WA-List » We Need a State Handshake

We Need a State Handshake

Published by Steve Campion. Category: HA! List

The other day WA-List dutifully posted a list of all 21 official state symbols:  the state bird, the state tree, etc.  But by the time we got to the state fossil, state grass, and state tartan, we started to question the sanity of our legislators.  (Not that we ever suspected them of sanity, mind you.)  Do we need a state endemic mammal?  Or a state vegetable?  Really??

We decided that as long as they were going to do such crazy things anyway, we’d save the legislature research time by offering a list of state symbols they haven’t gotten to yet.  They can skip the expensive subcommittee meetings and go straight to unanimous “yay” votes.  We have a state ship; why not a state ferry?  We have a state flower, tree, and grass; why not a state shrubbery?  Come on, legislators!  Do we need to march a classroom of fifth graders down to Olympia before you see the need for these things, too?

Here’s our list of state symbols that Washington lacks.  We’ve pitched our nominations for some already.  Feel free to nominate candidates for any of the others below.

OFFICIAL STATE SYMBOLS WE DESPERATELY NEED IN WASHINGTON

State ferry The poor Kalakala could use a morale boost.
State berry Huckle, anyone?  Should we let bears vote on it?
State shrubbery I can’t quite define shrubbery, but I’ve liked the word ever since Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
State algae Why not?  Puget Sound blooms are well-known in some places.
State roofing material Cedar? Aluminum? Moss?
State ocean No one has this yet.  Come on!  Let’s claim the Pacific before California does.
State park Whichever one is still open after they wrap up the 2012 budget.  (I hope there’s at least one left.)
State poem We have two state songs.  Let’s hear it for a lyric that can stand on its own.
State book Didn’t Seattle-based Amazon.com sell the world on Kindles?  Load one with a book about Forks and read it on Skid Road.
State movie How about “Casablanca”? It has nothing to do with Washington, but it was a pretty good movie, don’t you think?
State typo Warshington.  You know the Back-Easters call us that.  Let’s recognize their poor spelling skills with an official law.
State font Tahoma, 14pt, bold.  (Although I wish there was a Ilwaco italic or a Wild Washougal.)
State state Wet.
State sports condition Rebuilding year.
State hairstyle Buhner Buzz Cut.
State coffee flavor Why hasn’t anyone thought of this?  Hello!
State ice cream flavor Schoolkids would surely have an opinion on this.  Lower the voting age to 2.  And how cool would it be to live in the only state in America with a dessert empowered by law?
State walk One that starts like the first steps of a Griffey home run trot, stumbles a bit like Tom Hanks and Rob Reiner waddling down to Pike Place Market in Sleepless in Seattle, then settles into a confident “I’m going to do this” power walk you’d see during any Bloomsday in Spokane.  Auditions for this walk should be made available on YouTube.
State gathering place Some families plan post-emergency meet-ups by the lamppost across the street, for instance.  The 6.7 million residents of Washington should pick a place to meet if something unexpected happens.  I’ll start nominations with the corner of North Alder Street and East 14th Avenue in Ellensburg.
State handshake We shall know each other by our greeting wheresoever we meet.  A good handshake would clearly set us apart from the limp-fish howdys elsewhere.  Would you care to nominate a good knuckle-rapping, thumb-twisting, chest-bump that doesn’t spill coffee?

SOURCE:  Steve Campion, the unofficial State List Guy.

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2 Responses to “We Need a State Handshake”

  1. Kari Says:

    These are cracking me up, Steve! I love the “State state” and “State sports condition”. Very clever list!!

  2. Joan Says:

    Do I really say “Warshington”?
    Love the “moss” roofing material but it qualifies since we see so much of it.